In the restaurant’s backyard, Pi Zhaocai was crouched in a tree, meowing and yowling at the ground below. Pi Xiu stood beneath the unsteady tree, his face dark, shouting at his son: “Come down within two minutes, and I promise I won’t hit you.”

Pi Zhaocai remained unmoved. He even turned around and released gas at his father, forcing Pi Xiu to step back two paces, feeling as if the whole world had changed its taste (NT: idiom meaning “things feel off or are unpleasant,”).

Hou Er entered the backyard from the front hall holding a broom. The stench carried by the wind made him tilt backward, taking a step back, and shout: “Oh my gosh! Brother Pi, did our sewer explode?”

Pi Xiu, face blackened in anger, glared at the fat cat’s rear in the tree: “No! Pi Zhaocai just farted. Come help me catch him. Today we have to take him for his second combo vaccine shot.”

Hou Er immediately dropped the broom and started rallying the other monkeys. One Pi Xiu and five monkeys joined hands to form a circle under the tree, looking up at the big white fat cat.

Pi Xiu said: “You come down, or I’ll tell your dad you stole food last night.”

Pi Zhaocai meowed in response, utterly unmoved.

Hou Er shouted: “If you don’t come down, I’ll tell your brother you broke three brooms in the backyard and also tell Dad that the two missing chickens were taken by you to be cooked by brother Qiu!”

Pi Zhaocai: “…”

Pi Xiu: “…”

Pi Xiu said: “Have you forgotten I’m his father too? Now that I know, you can shut up.”

Pi Zhaocai, furious, let out a long, angry yowl from the tree. He stretched his legs to leap. Pi Xiu furrowed his brows and roared. He transformed into his original form, leapt up, and precisely bit Pi Zhaocai by the scruff to bring him down.

But Pi Xiu had overestimated the tree’s strength. The two of them stepped on it together, collapsing it with a tremendous crash.

Wen Xi ran into the backyard. Seeing Pi Xiu holding their son in his true form, he breathed a sigh of relief: “I’ll get the collar. You hold him still.”

Pi Xiu responded and, holding the little one, fitted two layers of collars and a leash before releasing him. He went upstairs, changed back into human form, and descended, hearing Wen Xi ask: “Pi Zhaocai is getting vaccinated. You’re not human either, shouldn’t you get one too?”

Pi Xiu furrowed his brow, realizing Wen Xi wasn’t scolding him. He said: “Why would I? I’m already this old. Would it do me any good?”

“Isn’t there a vaccine for adult beasts?” Wen Xi showed Pi Xiu his phone. “Come with us. You’ll get one too.”

Pi Xiu chuckled: “I’m immune to all poisons. Nothing to vaccinate. If anyone really needs a shot, it should be the others in the restaurant. Not a single one of Ren Jiao or Qiu Fu can escape…”

He suddenly felt silent, then after a moment, Boss Pi decided: “Indeed, it’s time for vaccines. Close the shop for half a day today, take them to get vaccinated, then resume business.”

Wen Xi was taken aback: “Why the sudden decision?”

“The sanitation inspectors are coming again. Last year we were fined, and this year I won’t give them a single penny!”

Pi Xiu left behind this grand declaration and began notifying each employee to get their shots. No worker in the restaurant could escape — even Guan Guan and Zhu Que were ordered to prepare for poultry vaccines. Cao Cao watched on the side, not expecting that he himself wouldn’t get away either.

The only ones who managed to escape were Pi Shaodi, who had already been vaccinated at school, and Su An, the abacus master.

Su An pushed up his glasses against his colleagues’ resentful stares: “Don’t look at me like that. After all, I’m neither beast nor human. I’m just a thing.”

Qiu Fu raised his hand: “I don’t understand. The vaccination cost will be reimbursed by the boss, right?”

Pi Xiu paused. Seeing his expression, Ren Jiao immediately said: “Don’t be stingy at a time like this. Only if the workers’ health and safety are guaranteed can everyone perform well at their posts.”

“I didn’t say I won’t reimburse. Don’t put the stingy hat on me yet,” Pi Xiu said with a dark face, waving his hand. “Reimbursement is fine. Now hurry up and get on the cloud to the hospital. We’ll need to open the shop when we get back.”

To ensure everyone left together, Pi Xiu flew them on clouds instead of driving. When they safely arrived at the hospital, Hou Er rubbed his wind-stiffened face, marvelling how the stronger the wind blew, the more his heart fluttered.

Pi Xiu carried the struggling Pi Zhaocai at the front. The nurses, already informed that Pi ancestor was coming, were fully prepared, rushed forward as soon as they saw Pi Xiu within sight.

Wen Xi quickly showed the vaccination certificate: “He already got the first dose of the triple vaccine. Today is the second dose.”

The nurse compared the photo on the certificate with the fat white cat before her. She couldn’t help asking: “Is this really a cat?”

Pi Zhaocai meowed indignantly, but Pi Xiu held his head down.

Pi Xiu: “It is a cat. He stayed at his grandmother’s house for a month and got fat.”

The nurse hesitated, instinctively wondering which lady was meant, but maintained professional discretion.

After carefully comparing Pi Zhaocai’s face with the certificate photo and confirming it was the same kitten, she nodded: “Leave him to us. We’ll give him the shot.”

Wen Xi was still uneasy: “Can we go with him?”

“Sure.” The nurse looked at the beasts behind Pi Xiu: “All of these need vaccinations?”

Pi Xiu nodded: “Whether it’s vaccines or a full check-up, let’s do it together. This place can print health certificates, right?”

Qiu Fu was shocked: “A full check-up too?!”

If he took off his shoes for the physical exam, wouldn’t the three-centimeter height-increasing insoles give him away? Those were his secret weapon to make sure he didn’t look shorter than his two older brothers.

“What’s wrong?” Ren Jiao asked him. “I’m a deep-sea fish and haven’t worried about parasites. What’s a land-dwelling four-legged fox afraid of?”

Hou Er stammered to his big brother: “Brother, I have no lice and no skin disease. Can’t I skip the physical?”

Hou Da said: “No, thank you.”

Wen Xi looked at Pi Xiu: “If they all need a physical, shouldn’t you also go? I’ll accompany you. Pi Zhaocai, let the nurses check you first for a while.”

The nurse tried to take the fat cat from Pi Xiu’s hands but failed. She patted the cat’s belly and frowned: “Why is this belly so big? Did it eat something indigestible?”

Pi Xiu was stunned. “Shouldn’t be. I’ve been watching everything it eats.”

A few orderly workers pushed in a stretcher. The nurse asked Pi Xiu to put Pi Zhaocai on it and stretch out his hind legs. Seeing the fluffy cat bell, she patted his belly again and told Pi Xiu: “It’s hard inside; better do a B ultrasound.” (NT: Brightness-mode ultrasonography)

“Do it, do it,” Pi Xiu said, recalling how Pi Zhaocai had lain on the floor hiccupping that morning. He frowned: “Put it on my tab. Pay afterward, right?”

Nurse: “No problem. We’ll push him for the check-up first. You go get your physical. When all done, pay with the receipt.”

Father and son acted separately, each taken by a nurse. Hou Er stood there with a spoon shielding his eyes, spouting bravado: “Believe it or not, I can tell the direction of that opening even through the spoon.”

Big Monkey slapped him: “Focus on your physical. Stop saying nonsense.”

Pi Xiu, standing five meters away with a dark expression, coolly mentioned the “opening direction” of the E. He thought the eyesight test for himself was completely unnecessary, but only doing a physical without vaccines was Wen Xi’s final compromise. Following the principle of “harmony in the family brings success”, he accepted the physical.

When it came to weighing, Pi Xiu stubbornly refused to step on the scale. There were two columns: human form and original form. Pi Xiu’s human form at 1.9 meters was fine; weight was normal. But for his beast form, he was unwilling to reveal it.

Pi Xiu: “What’s the point of weighing? I’m not doing it.”

Big monsters have tempers; the nurses thought this was normal. Only Wen Xi seemed to see through the old monster’s mind. He leaned in and whispered: “Are you afraid you’ll break the scale if you step on it?”

Pi Xiu looked at him but said nothing.

Wen Xi smiled: “I still know what you’re thinking. From now on, don’t call Pi Zhaocai fat. We’re family, and the father and son’s weights aren’t that different. Only Pi Shaodi is thin. Leave it to me.”

“Leave it to you? Just flattering yourself,” Pi Xiu said, frowning, and led Wen Xi to the next task. After nearly half an hour, they reached the blood-draw section.

Ren Jiao was there, rolling up his sleeves: “Even though I’m a deep-sea merman, I swear my body has no parasites. This blood isn’t needed. If any parasite could get into me, it would be…”

The nurse interrupted: “Handsome, just a little. It won’t hurt. Don’t be scared.”

Ren Jiao: “I’m not scared. Who said I’m scared?”

“If you’re not scared, why are you chattering so much? You’re not Guan Guan,” Pi Xiu teased, rolling up his sleeve to sit: “I’m not scared. Go ahead.”

The nurse quickly tied his arm and tried to find a vein. Unexpectedly, the old monster’s thick skin bent the needle without piercing it. The nurse decisively switched to a special syringe, its tip as thick as a nail, flashing in the light. Pi Xiu’s face fell.

Pi Xiu: “…”

Nurse: “Don’t worry, it won’t hurt.”

Pi Xiu: “Really? Can you say that looking me in the eyes?”

The nurse ignored his protests, pressed his hand, and with the authority of dealing with an ancestor, jabbed the needle in. Wen Xi turned his head, while Ren Jiao was secretly glad his skin wasn’t as thick as Pi Xiu’s.

Afterwards, Wen Xi pressed the puncture with cotton swabs, seeing the old monster hanging his head, part sympathetic, part amused. He leaned in and kissed his face: “All done. A little blood, it won’t hurt.”

“That needle doesn’t hurt? This isn’t a needle. Darling, that’s a nail,” Pi Xiu sighed.

Wen Xi laughed and kissed him again: “Enough, enough. I’m comforting you.”

Pi Xiu hummed, hugged Wen Xi, pressed his face to his neck, inhaling his scent, finally calming down.

Ridiculous. He Pi Ziwei (NT: Pi Xiu’s personal name.) was nailed in a hospital. Absolutely outrageous.

(NT: In traditional Chinese astrology, Ziwei is considered the emperor of the stars, representing the celestial emperor’s palace and ruling over the other stars in the heavens. It is similar to the modern Polaris)

Before Pi Xiu could demand favours from Wen Xi, he heard wheels rolling. He turned to see his precious son Pi Zhaocai sitting on the bed, belly shaved, revealing three layers of Michelin-like rolls.

The nurse pushed the bed while saying: “Ultrasound done. No problem. Looks like he didn’t eat badly and isn’t fat from nothing. He’s really strong.”

Pi Xiu: “…”

Wen Xi: “”…”

Pi Zhaocai, shaved on the belly, was very sulky. On the way back from the hospital, he clung to Pi Xiu, refusing to get down. No matter how Hou Er tried to coax him, he wouldn’t move, deeply depressed.

Even at dinner, he only ate two bites of meat, then lay still. Wen Xi spent the evening holding him, coaxing and patting him. Even Pi Xiu used the kingly method during his bath, ensuring his fur would grow back immediately. This finally made their silly son smile.

But the next day, Pi Zhaocai’s belly remained unchanged — not a single blade of hair grew.

Until Wen Xi found a red bellyband from the cabinet and dressed him in it. Only then did he walk out, legs moving proudly, wearing his red bellyband  to attract everyone's attention.

The customers couldn’t help but take out their phones and post pictures of the big “mandarin ducks playing in water” pattern on the cat’s belly (NT: mandarin ducks are a symbol of love, fidelity, and marital happiness.)

“Secret bedroom device exposed! Hot and sexy!”

 

Translator : DarNan