Cheng Boyan did not know how long it had taken him to make this plate of fried grasshoppers, nor how he had prepared them, but this was probably the best dish he had ever made since Xiang Xi had come to know him.

The grasshoppers had been fried to a golden crisp, crispy on the outside and tender on the inside, and he had even thoughtfully arranged a few lettuce leaves alongside them.

Xiang Xi held the plate and sat on the sofa, his eyes red as he ate and crumbs kept falling onto the sofa.

“Just eat half,” Cheng Boyan said, sitting beside him and constantly picking crumbs off the sofa. “It’s dry at this time of year, so it’s easy to get overheated.”

“I can’t leave them. If I leave them, they’ll go soft, and once they’re soft, they won’t taste good anymore,” Xiang Xi said, his voice still nasal from crying. “There isn’t even two hundred grams in this whole plate. I might as well eat it all.”

“Eat less. So what if they go soft?” Cheng Boyan continued picking up the crumbs. “There’s still a whole big bag in the refrigerator… Can you eat without dropping crumbs everywhere?”

“No,” Xiang Xi said, biting down with a crisp crunch. “My mouth is all cracked from crying.”

Cheng Boyan sighed. “If I’d known you could cry this much over a plate of grasshoppers, I would have bought silkworm pupae instead.”

“Silkworm pupae are good,” Xiang Xi said, sniffing, with his eyes still slightly moist. “Silkworm pupae are delicious. Buy some silkworm pupae too.”

“…Those two kilograms of grasshoppers have already cost me half my life. You can just forget about the silkworm pupae.” Cheng Boyan took a sheet of newspaper and spread it over Xiang Xi’s legs to catch the crumbs.

“You bought that many?” Xiang Xi looked at him, then, somewhat worried, shifted around to face him and sat cross-legged. “Did you buy live grasshoppers?”

“Yeah,” Cheng Boyan said, frowning. “They were still jumping around.”

“Then how did you prepare them?” Xiang Xi picked up a grasshopper and looked at it. “You took off the heads and wings? You did that yourself?”

“I had the shopkeeper prepare them. Otherwise, would I have been able to buy two kilograms? If I bought less, he wouldn’t do it.” Cheng Boyan sighed.

“That must have been really hard for you.” Xiang Xi leaned his head toward him and rubbed it against his arm.

“Hey,” Cheng Boyan pushed him away. “Don’t wipe your greasy mouth on me.”

“You’ve already become someone who has handled grasshoppers,” Xiang Xi said with a laugh. “And you still care about that?”

“I can’t help it. This is just how I am—I never abandon my original principles.” Cheng Boyan patted him. “Take your time eating. I’m going to take a shower. All this fuss has worked me into a sweat.”

Xiang Xi did not finish the whole plate of grasshoppers. He ate only half. He had eaten so many the previous day and was eating them again today, and he was genuinely worried he would get overheated.

After putting the half-plate of grasshoppers back in the kitchen, he carefully cleaned the sofa and floor again. Only after making sure there were no crumbs left did he go to the bathroom door, knock, and open it.

“I have something to tell you.” Xiang Xi leaned against the doorframe.

“…Go ahead.” Cheng Boyan was probably rather helpless about Xiang Xi’s habit of coming over to the bathroom door to chat whenever he had nothing better to do. He continued showering as he spoke.

“Hai ge drove me home today,” Xiang Xi said, looking at Cheng Boyan’s backside. “He asked me if you were my boyfriend.”

“What?” Cheng Boyan turned around in surprise, and the foam on his head almost flew into Xiang Xi’s face. “How did he know? What did he say?”

Cheng Boyan’s surprised reaction caught Xiang Xi somewhat off guard. In Xiang Xi’s impression, apart from anything concerning “being unhygienic,” Cheng Boyan was calm about everything.

When he had once said, “I’m exactly the kind of pervert you were talking about,” he had been as calm as if he were making the most ordinary self-introduction.

Seeing him like this now, Xiang Xi was stunned for a moment. “He said he saw us downstairs… He didn’t say anything. He just said that having someone you like is a good thing.”

“Oh,” Cheng Boyan said, visibly relieved, then turned around and continued washing his hair. “Then that’s fine.”

“Your reaction is even bigger than mine,” Xiang Xi said softly.

“I was worried,” Cheng Boyan said, turning on the shower and rinsing himself. “You never know how a stranger is going to react to something like this.”

“Were you afraid he would think we’re perverts?” Xiang Xi asked.

“Not ‘we.’ I don’t care.” Cheng Boyan turned his head and looked at him. “I was afraid he might say something unpleasant to you.”

“Why?” Xiang Xi asked again.

“What do you mean, why?” Cheng Boyan said.

“Why don’t you care?” Xiang Xi picked at the doorframe.

“I already cared about it more than ten years ago,” Cheng Boyan said with a smile. “Now I simply don’t care anymore.”

“I don’t care either.” Xiang Xi rubbed his nose.

“That’s easy to say, but when you actually encounter it, you may not feel the same way.” Cheng Boyan said.

“Let people say whatever they want. It’s not as though I’ve never been talked about before. When you first met me, you didn’t have anything nice to say about me either,” Xiang Xi said unconcernedly. “Not picking up jobs today, huh? That’s what you said, wasn’t it?”

Cheng Boyan laughed. “I said that?”

“Don’t pretend,” Xiang Xi pointed at him. “You said it, and I remember. But it didn’t really affect me. Back then, my self-esteem was still stuffed in my back pocket and I hadn’t taken it out yet.”

“That’s why,” Cheng Boyan turned off the water, walked over to him, and tapped the mole at the corner of his eye with a finger. “Things are different now. Anyway, some things can only be said by me; if someone else says them, that won’t do. I’ll do my best to keep my son from getting upset.”

“Luckily, I’ve always been especially careful and particularly self-aware,” Xiang Xi said with a giggle. “Otherwise, with you spoiling me like this, who knows what kind of little brat I might turn into. I finally understand how all those spoiled brats come about. Look at you, such a highly educated doctor…”

“Can you let me finish my shower first?” Cheng Boyan sighed. “Why are you so talkative?”

“Because I’m excited,” Xiang Xi said with a tsk, waving his hand as he walked out of the bathroom. “Carry on peeling your skin, Daddy.”

He was excited.

The feeling that everything in his life had suddenly settled into place was exhilarating. The past was in the past, and what he had been hoping for had arrived. An identity, a job, the person he loved, and a life full of warmth and flavour.

*

The week passed very slowly. Every day, Xiang Xi would take the slip for collecting his identity card out of Cheng Boyan’s wallet and look at it once, afraid he would miss the date, then fold it back up and put it away.

When the day finally came to collect the identity card, Cheng Boyan happened to be off work. He took the slip out of his wallet and looked at it. “Good thing it was seven working days. If you hadn’t paid for expedited processing, it would have taken two months. At the rate you’ve been wearing away at this one day at a time, by then you’d have worn the slip down so much you wouldn’t be able to use it to collect the card.”

“Let’s go.” Xiang Xi had already hurriedly gotten everything ready to leave.

“Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go.” Cheng Boyan pushed him out the door. By the time he had put his shoes on and come outside, Xiang Xi was already pressing the elevator button and urging him along.

Collecting the identity card was very simple. Once they arrived, he handed over the slip, and the staff member took an envelope from a row of them after checking the details. They opened it, compared the photograph, checked his fingerprints, and issued the card.

Xiang Xi took the envelope containing his identity card and carefully held it as he walked to one side. Cheng Boyan followed him. “Let me see.”

“I’ll look first.” Xiang Xi turned sideways and took the identity card out of the envelope.

Cheng Boyan could only wait beside him. After standing there for nearly two minutes, Xiang Xi finally turned around, smiling so broadly that his nose crinkled. Holding the identity card between two fingers, he coolly held it out toward him. “Here, look.”

“I almost want to kneel down to receive it.” Cheng Boyan took the identity card.

“I’m so handsome.” Xiang Xi was extremely happy. Despite the pleasantly cool weather, there were actually tiny beads of sweat on the tip of his nose.

The identity card was brand-new, still bearing traces of film that had not been completely peeled off, and it gave off a distinctive smell.

Looking at Xiang Xi’s photograph on the identity card, Cheng Boyan could not help curling the corners of his mouth. “You really are.”

There were very few photographs of Xiang Xi. Apart from the ones Fang Yin had taken before, there were more or less only those taken on Song Yi’s phone. They were all quite handsome, but none of them was like this ID photograph.

In the photograph, Xiang Xi was smiling slightly, his eyes bright. His somewhat pointed chin made him look quite young, while his expression carried confidence. Although traces of his former somewhat unruly, roguish air could still faintly be found in that clean smile, it made him look even more attractive.

“What about yours? Take it out and let me see,” Xiang Xi said.

“Are we comparing who’s more handsome?” Cheng Boyan smiled and took out his own identity card.

“Look, they’re exactly the same. My identity card is real.” Xiang Xi held the two identity cards together and raised them to look at them.

“No kidding,” Cheng Boyan laughed. “Would the Public Security Bureau’s ID-card processing office make you a fake ID card?”

“I just have a usual way of thinking,” Xiang Xi said happily, then lifted his chin toward the two identity cards. “Look at these two people.”

“Mm,” Cheng Boyan nodded. “So?”

“Do they look good together?” Xiang Xi asked with a smile.

“They’re absolutely made for each other, the most successful match Heaven has ever made.” Cheng Boyan took the identity cards from him and put both of them away safely in his wallet, then slipped an arm around his shoulders. “Let’s go, to my place.”

“Your place? Going to show my identity card off to Director Xu?” Xiang Xi followed him out, still immersed in the excitement of having his identity card.

“Going shopping with Director Xu. Didn’t I say last time that I’d accompany her to buy things? Various nourishing ingredients and so on.” Cheng Boyan pinched his earlobe. “And I’ll talk to her while we’re at it.”

“Mm,” Xiang Xi nodded. “Do you want me to give you some pointers?”

“I know what to say. You just honestly accompany her while she shops and buys everything she wants.” Cheng Boyan said.

Cheng Boyan called his mother and said they were coming over. Before his mother had even spoken, he heard Xiao Xi’s voice over the phone. “Is that Big Brother?”

“I’m at your grandmother’s. Li Yan had something to do today, so she left Xiao Xi here too,” his mother said, then gently told Xiao Xi, “It’s not Big Brother, it’s your uncle.”

“Is Uncle coming?” Xiao Xi asked again.

“You’re coming over? With Xiang Xi?” his mother asked him.

“Is Auntie there?” Cheng Boyan asked as well.

“She isn’t. She went to play with her grandson,” his mother said with a laugh.

“Then I’ll… ask Xiang Xi,” Cheng Boyan said softly into Xiang Xi’s ear. “My mother is at Grandma’s house. Shall we go over?”

“Sure,” Xiang Xi answered without a second thought. “We’ve all met before. What is there to be afraid of?”

Cheng Boyan smiled. Every time he saw how Xiang Xi was so unreserved around people he did not know, he found him especially adorable.

As soon as they arrived downstairs at his grandmother’s building and the car stopped, Cheng Boyan heard Xiao Xi’s voice coming from upstairs. “Big Brother!”

“Call me Uncle.” Cheng Boyan looked up and saw Xiao Xi alone, leaning over the windowsill. He was startled and quickly shouted again, “Go back inside! Who told you to climb onto the windowsill?”

“Big Brother, come up!” Xiao Xi continued shouting.

“Hey! I’m coming, I’m coming! Big Brother is coming right up. Go back inside!” Cheng Boyan grabbed Xiang Xi and ran into the stairwell. As they ran, he called his mother. “How could you let Xiao Xi sit alone on the windowsill? There aren’t even security bars! What if she falls?”

“I’m right beside her, holding onto her feet,” his mother said.

“Then why didn’t you say anything when I was shouting just now?” Cheng Boyan slowed his steps as he ran upstairs. “You scared me.”

“I was talking to Grandma. I was too lazy to move,” his mother said.

“…I’m coming up.” Cheng Boyan said.

Cheng Boyan’s grandmother lived in an old-fashioned seven-story building with no elevator. His grandmother’s apartment was on the fifth floor, and Xiang Xi followed behind Cheng Boyan as they climbed the stairs.

This kind of old-fashioned building made him feel familiar and secure. Having grown up in Zhaojiayao for more than ten years, some things had truly become engraved in his bones.

When Cheng Boyan reached the fifth-floor, he called out, “Grandma!”

The door beside them opened, and Xiang Xi heard Grandma’s voice. “Xiang Xi has come?”

“Yes, I’m here.” Xiang Xi immediately answered before he had even seen Grandma. “Hello, Grandma! Hello, Auntie!”

“Hello,” Director Xu said.

“Come in quickly.” Grandma clapped her hands.

“Big Brother!” A young, childish voice sounded from inside. It was probably the little girl who had been leaning on the windowsill earlier.

“Xiao Xi, call him Uncle,” Director Xu said.

Xiao Xi? Why was he suddenly being addressed so familiarly?

Call him Uncle? How come there was another uncle here?

Cheng Boyan was standing in front of Xiang Xi, so he could not see who was inside. After hesitating for a moment, he nevertheless followed along and called out, “Uncle!”

“Uncle!” The little girl’s voice rang out at exactly the same time as Xiang Xi’s.

Xiang Xi suddenly froze.

“Hey, good girl, Xiao Xi.” Cheng Boyan answered, then turned around to look at him, a smile rapidly spreading from his eyes to the corners of his mouth.

(NT: The confusion comes from the fact that Xiàng Xī (项西) thinks they addressed him familiarly as Xiǎo Xi (小西 , little west), while Xiǎo Xī (小溪, little stream) is the little girl’s full name).

Xiang Xi suddenly felt like finding a corner somewhere and crouching down to spend two hours picking at the paint off the wall.

Grandma and Director Xu both burst out laughing. When Xiang Xi entered with his head lowered, Grandma was still laughing. “Now there are two Xiao Xi in the family. What are we going to call them?”

“This is Boyan’s cousin’s child. Her name is Xiao Xi, with the Xi that means ‘stream’,” Director Xu explained to her with a laugh, then beckoned to Xiao Xi. “Xiao Xi, come here, call…”

“Big Brother.” Xiao Xi called out from where she was lying on the sofa.

“Xiao Xi is such a good girl.” Xiang Xi smiled, feeling as though she were praising him instead.

“Xiao Xi, who am I?” Cheng Boyan pointed at himself.

“…Uncle!” Xiao Xi paused, then answered loudly, “Uncle!”

“And him?” Cheng Boyan pointed at Xiang Xi again.

“Big Brother!” Xiao Xi said.

“Good girl. Uncle will take you to buy candy in a little while.” Cheng Boyan was laughing so hard he could barely contain himself.

“You’re the worst one of all.” Grandma slapped Cheng Boyan once on the back and laughed. “How did your mother raise you? You’re such a troublemaker!”

“He somehow grew up crooked. I often wonder about it myself.” Director Xu poured a glass of water and handed it to Xiang Xi. “Have some water. Sit for a while.”

“Thank you, Auntie.” Xiang Xi hurriedly took the glass. He was not thirsty, but he still tipped his head back and gulped down half the glass before wiping his mouth.

“You’re wearing the watch?” Director Xu noticed the watch on his wrist. “It looks like it fits you quite well.”

“It fits perfectly.” Xiang Xi waved his hand. “I wear it every day. Whenever I have nothing better to do, I’ll wave my hand and hail a bus or something. I even always use my left hand to wipe my sweat.”

“That mouth of yours.” Director Xu smiled.

Xiang Xi gave an embarrassed little smile as well and sat down on the sofa.

Xiao Xi was lying on the other side of the sofa. As soon as Xiang Xi sat down, she immediately crawled over and grabbed his arm, tugging at it. “Watch!”

“Mm, watch.” Xiang Xi had never really interacted with children before. When Xiao Xi grabbed him with her soft little hand, he had no idea what to do, so he could only watch as she grabbed and scratched at his wrist.

“Xiao Xi, how about going with Uncle to buy some candy?” Cheng Boyan came over, slipped an arm under Xiao Xi’s belly, scooped her up, and lifted her into his arms.

“Okay! Milk candy,” Xiao Xi immediately said. “Fly there.”

“Fly there?” Xiang Xi did not understand.

“Like this…” Cheng Boyan stood up with Xiao Xi tucked under his arm. “Fly like this.”

“That’s more like carrying a pouch under your arm.” Xiang Xi watched Xiao Xi laughing happily in Cheng Boyan’s arms.

“Like it?” Cheng Boyan bent down and whispered beside his ear, “I can carry you under my arm like this too.”

Cheng Boyan’s overly intimate gesture in front of Grandma and Director Xu startled Xiang Xi. He shoved him away with one palm. “Get lost.”

The original plan had been to accompany Director Xu to buy some things, but by the time they left, the group had turned into four adults and one child. Grandma wanted to come along, saying she was treating them, and that once everyone had finished shopping, they would go eat a whole-grain feast.

“Whole grains?” Xiang Xi was stunned for a moment, immediately remembering Cheng Boyan’s mixed-bean porridge, and a wave of sorrow washed over him. “You mean cornmeal and all kinds of beans and stuff?”

“Exactly. They’re nutritious, but they’re all made with refined techniques,” Grandma immediately explained. “They’re very tasty.”

“The nutrients have already been lost in the process of making them ‘refined,’” Director Xu remarked from behind them.

“Don’t interrupt.” Grandma turned around. “Anyway, it’s still whole grains. You nutrition people just keep chatting”

“Yes, yes, yes. We’ll take you to eat some later.” Director Xu smiled.

“I’m the one treating you. I’m paying.” Grandma reiterated.

Cheng Boyan walked behind with Director Xu, carrying Xiao Xi, while Xiang Xi walked ahead with his arm around Grandma’s. Grandma was very interested in buying nourishing ingredients and walked quite quickly.

“Grandma, your legs are really nimble,” Xiang Xi said. “You walk so steadily.”

“I exercise every day. I exercise when I get up in the morning, and I exercise again in the evening,” Grandma said. Then she looked back at the others and lowered her voice. “I used to bang my back against trees, but Boyan wouldn’t let me anymore. Now I do it less. These days I join other people in dancing the yangge.” (NT: traditional Chinese folk dance)

“Bang your back against trees?” Xiang Xi was startled. “Your head?”

“Oh, you silly boy.” Grandma burst out laughing. “My back. It actually feels quite good. Boyan won’t let me, saying it hurts the bones… When there are too many doctors in the family, there are too many things to worry about.”

“Just hearing that makes my back hurt.” Xiang Xi reached behind himself and rubbed his back. “You’d better stick to the yangge dancing. It’s much better, and it even looks nice.”

“See? You’ve been corrupted by the doctors too.” Grandma sighed.

Grandma didn’t like going to supermarkets; she preferred browsing markets. When she pulled Xiang Xi into the market, he glanced back at Cheng Boyan worriedly, afraid he wouldn’t be able to take it.

Fortunately, this market was tolerable. It had a smell to it, but the ground was fairly clean. As long as they didn’t go into the fresh-food section, Cheng Boyan should still be able to endure it.

Cheng Boyan was talking with Director Xu the whole time. Both of them had smiles on their faces, but Xiang Xi couldn’t hear what they were talking about. When he looked back, Cheng Boyan smiled and winked at him, but Xiang Xi couldn’t make out what that particular “signal” meant.

It wasn’t until Director Xu started choosing things that Cheng Boyan came over to him and handed Xiao Xi over. “You hold her for a while. My arms are getting sore.”

Xiang Xi took Xiao Xi and held her securely, then quickly lowered his voice and asked, “How did it go?”

“You’re worried about me now?” Cheng Boyan smiled. “It went very well. Don’t worry.”

Once they started buying vegetables, Cheng Boyan walked side by side with Xiang Xi the whole time, while Director Xu and Grandma argued back and forth as they selected things.

Xiao Xi wasn’t particularly well behaved. She kept twisting around in Xiang Xi’s arms, and eventually she lay across his shoulder and started chewing on his collar.

“Oh my,” Xiang Xi noticed only after she had already been chewing for quite a while. “So that’s why it felt all wet!”

“We should have bought her some candy first.” Cheng Boyan rummaged around in his pocket for a long time before pulling out a piece of chewing gum. “Xiao Xi, eat…”

Director Xu turned around, saw the chewing gum in his hand, and immediately slapped his hand away. “How can you let her eat that? What if she swallows it?”

“She was already eating his clothes.” Cheng Boyan said this as he put the chewing gum into his own mouth.

“I have some here.” Director Xu took out two milk candies and gave them to him.

“Are these that little fatty’s?” Cheng Boyan laughed when he saw them. “You took his?”

“There were only a few left, so I took all of them. Anyway, he isn’t here. If he notices when he comes back, he can’t make a fuss at me.” Director Xu said this, then looked at Xiang Xi. “What time is it?”

Xiang Xi was just about to raise his hand when Cheng Boyan took out his phone. “Almost ten—”

“I wasn’t asking you.” Director Xu looked at Xiang Xi. “What time is it?”

Xiang Xi immediately waved his arm up and looked at his watch. “It’s almost twelve.”

“Then it’s time to go eat.” Director Xu nodded, then asked again, “What time exactly is ‘almost twelve’?”

Xiang Xi waved his arm up again and looked at his watch. “Eleven fifty-two.”

“Enjoying yourself, are you?” Cheng Boyan said with a laugh.

Grandma treated them to lunch. Following her directions, Cheng Boyan drove them to a whole-grain restaurant. There were quite a lot of people, and they waited almost twenty minutes before getting an empty table.

Grandma and Cheng Boyan took Xiao Xi to the back courtyard of the restaurant to look at the pollution-free vegetables they supposedly grew themselves, while Director Xu kept Xiang Xi behind.

His mood had initially been quite relaxed, but as Cheng Boyan’s figure disappeared through the doorway leading to the back courtyard, that relaxed feeling gradually turned into nervousness.

Director Xu had always been very kind to him. She would smile when she spoke to him and joke around with him. But precisely because of this, he had never been able to figure out what Director Xu’s true attitude toward him was, nor could he adjust his own behaviour accordingly.

Now that it was just him and Director Xu, he immediately felt as though he had grown spikes all over his body.

“Boyan said you’ve officially started working at the teahouse?” Director Xu asked after taking a sip of tea.

“Mm. Starting this week, three times a week.” Xiang Xi rotated his cup around and around in his hands. “Two days are in the evening, and one day is in the afternoon.”

“That’s pretty good. It’s relatively easy.” Director Xu smiled and nodded. “Your income is better than when you were at the supermarket, right?”

“Much better.” As soon as money was mentioned, Xiang Xi instantly felt less nervous. “About three times as much. I feel almost embarrassed taking that much.”

“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Once you have a skill to make a living with, you should have the confidence to earn money from it.” Director Xu smiled. “Since you have a good job now, settle down and do it properly.”

“Mm.” Xiang Xi nodded firmly.

“Xiang Xi.” Director Xu paused for a moment and looked at him. “I won’t say too many other things to you. Boyan has told me a lot, and now I think there’s only one thing I need to emphasize.”

“Please, Auntie.” Xiang Xi immediately put down his cup and sat up straight.

“Boyan has never officially been in a relationship, and I’ve basically never heard him say that he had feelings for anyone.” Director Xu said, “His attitude this time surprised me quite a lot. There are some things he hasn’t said outright, but I can feel it… how much he cares about you.”

Xiang Xi said nothing, looking at Director Xu nervously.

“I think you should be able to feel it too.” Director Xu looked at him.

“I can feel it.” Xiang Xi nodded firmly again. “I can feel it very, very clearly.”

“Part of me is surprised, and part of me also feels a little heartache. This kind of heartache… it’s hard to put into words. Perhaps all mothers feel this way.” Director Xu smiled. “So I hope you will truly cherish his feelings for you.”

Xiang Xi lowered his head. After remaining silent for a long time, he raised his head again and looked at her. “Auntie, I’m not very good with words, but… all the feelings I’ve ever had in this life, he has filled in the missing pieces for me. All of them…”

He wants to be my dad.

He even wants to be my uncle.

“As for me, apart from ‘an ordinary life,’ in all the years I’ve lived, there hasn’t been another person or thing that has made me so unwilling to let go.” Xiang Xi intertwined his fingers and looked directly into Director Xu’s eyes. “There’s only him. Let me put it this way: even if, in the end, you really refuse to approve of us… I… won’t care.”

 

Translator : DarNan