Usually by this time Xiang Xi would already be asleep. Earlier at the KTV he had even felt pretty sleepy, but ever since Song Yi said tonight he wouldn’t need to work the night shift, he stopped feeling sleepy.

It wasn’t that he wasn’t sleepy. He still was. But his mind kept spinning. He was so sleepy that his tears were streaming down—sleepy enough that if he knelt down he could practically “set up a stall to sell himself to bury his father”—and yet he still couldn’t fall asleep.

He was thinking about many things.

Thinking about Cheng Boyan lightly licking the tear mole under his eye.

Thinking about Cheng Boyan saying, “I really like you.”

Thinking about Cheng Boyan saying, “I like this mole.”

Thinking about the sentence he himself had said: “I like you.”

And also thinking about the sound of the water when Cheng Boyan was showering, and how awkward and nervous he himself had felt.

Right now Cheng Boyan was in the room next door. Had he fallen asleep? Or was he still reading?

Xiang Xi turned over, staring wide-eyed in the darkness.

Then he turned over again.

And again.

He couldn’t sleep, but he also didn’t dare go find Cheng Boyan.

He wanted to lean against Cheng Boyan, stay by his side, able to smell the lemon scent on him.

He liked Cheng Boyan’s hand resting against his back, hooking it lightly. He liked Cheng Boyan kissing his ear and neck. He also liked his soft, damp lips and the tip of his tongue…

Xiang Xi turned over again.

He couldn’t keep thinking about it. If he kept going he’d turn into a hot-blooded youth again.

But even if his blood heated up, there were still some things he couldn’t…

He tossed and turned for who knew how long. He was so sleepy his tears had completely run dry, his back had started to ache, yet he still showed no sign of falling asleep.

He fumbled for his phone and checked the time. He had already been tossing around in bed for forty minutes.

“Ugh,” he sighed, sitting up. He stretched his arms, bent forward a little to loosen his back, then slipped on his slippers and quietly walked out of the study.

The living room lights were already off. But unexpectedly, the light in Cheng Boyan’s bedroom was still on, a thin line of light shining out from under the door.

He wasn’t asleep yet?

Xiang Xi tiptoed to the bedroom door and raised his hand to knock, but didn’t.

What would he say after knocking?

“I want to sit close to you?”

“I want to lie next to you?”

“I want to hold you?”

“I want to kiss you?”

“I don’t want to do anything, I just want to rub up against you?”

While he was still thinking about what kind of opening line he should use, there was suddenly a sound inside the room—Cheng Boyan’s footsteps were coming toward the door.

Xiang Xi suddenly felt like a thief about to be caught red-handed. But if he turned and ran back to the study now, the noise would be too obvious, and there wasn’t enough time anyway. Cheng Boyan would definitely notice.

What should he do?

Just as Cheng Boyan opened the bedroom door, Xiang Xi quickly put on an expression that said “Oh wow, what a coincidence, I just happened to pass by and you opened the door”.

“Hey!” Cheng Boyan didn’t expect someone to be standing outside the door. When he opened it he jumped back two steps in fright.

“Ah!” Xiang Xi also shouted quickly. “Why did you suddenly come out!”

“What are you doing here?” Cheng Boyan asked, stunned once he saw it was him.

“I… was passing by on my way to the bathroom,” Xiang Xi said. “Are you going to the bathroom too? If so you go first.”

“I’m not,” Cheng Boyan glanced at him. “You go.”

Xiang Xi noticed the tissues in Cheng Boyan’s hand and felt a bit embarrassed.

“Are you… going for the big one? Then I’ll go first—I’ll be quick.”

“…I said I’m not,” Cheng Boyan replied helplessly.

“Oh.” Xiang Xi hesitated a moment and turned toward the bathroom. “If you’re not taking a dump then why are you holding paper? Blowing your nose?” (NT: O_O. Xiang Xi is so innocent !!)

“Hurry up and pee!” Cheng Boyan nudged him from behind with his elbow.

Xiang Xi actually didn’t want to use the bathroom. He stood in front of the toilet posing as if he were urinating for a while, then flushed and came out.

Cheng Boyan went in afterward and closed the door.

Xiang Xi stayed outside the bathroom without leaving, wondering whether he should go back to the study and honestly sleep, or wait for Cheng Boyan to come out.

Before he figured it out, Cheng Boyan came out.

“Do you need something?” Seeing that he was still standing there instead of returning to his room, Cheng Boyan asked.

“No… I just… well…” Xiang Xi thought for a moment. “I just want to… chat. Stay with you for a bit.”

“Stay with me for a bit?” Cheng Boyan froze slightly, then walked over and rubbed his head. “You sure nothing’s wrong?”

“Really nothing,” Xiang Xi said.

“Then come on over.” Cheng Boyan put an arm around his shoulders.

“Mm.” Xiang Xi nodded immediately.

Cheng Boyan indeed hadn’t gone to sleep yet. The desk lamp was on, an open book lay on the small tea table, and the bedding on the bed was still neatly folded.

“Why are you reading so late?” Xiang Xi asked, surprised.

“I wasn’t really reading…” Cheng Boyan stopped halfway through the sentence. “If I can’t sleep I just read for a while.”

“I want to sleep on your bed,” Xiang Xi said, sitting on the edge of the bed.

Cheng Boyan smiled and casually replied, “I thought you wanted to sleep with me…”

As soon as he said it, he regretted it. He clearly knew Xiang Xi was very sensitive right now, yet he still said something like that. Xiang Xi would probably jump up and run straight back to the study.

“I…” But Xiang Xi didn’t react the way he expected. He sat quietly on the edge of the bed with his head lowered. “Right now… I don’t want to sleep with you yet.”

“…Oh.” This time Cheng Boyan was the one who didn’t know what to say.

“You understand what I mean, right?” Xiang Xi bit his lip and looked up at him. “I really… no, very… like you, but…”

“I understand,” Cheng Boyan smiled. “I know what you mean.”

“I just want to stay close to you… You can read. I’ll just sit here.”

He looked calm, but when he spoke you could tell he was nervous and slightly embarrassed—after all, they were currently having a discussion about “I can’t accept sleeping in the same bed with you yet.”

“I won’t read anymore,” Cheng Boyan said. He closed the book and put it back on the shelf, took another pillow from the cabinet and tossed it to him, then turned off the lamp. “Move in a little and lie down.”

“I’m not here to sleep, I just…” Xiang Xi hugged the pillow and shifted further toward the inside of the bed.

“Chat for a while, stay for a bit—I know,” Cheng Boyan said, getting onto the bed and leaning back against the pillow. “What do you want to talk about?”

Xiang Xi didn’t answer. He arranged the pillow and leaned back as well, lying side by side with Cheng Boyan. Smelling the lemon scent on him, his whole body relaxed instantly.

“Hm?” Seeing he hadn’t spoken, Cheng Boyan turned his head to look at him.

“I don’t know what to talk about. That question you asked—how am I supposed to chat when it’s like a topic-assigned conversation?” Xiang Xi muttered softly.

Cheng Boyan laughed and held his hand, gently squeezing it again and again. “Are you unable to sleep?”

“Just now I couldn’t fall asleep,” Xiang Xi said with his eyes closed, “but now I’m sleepy again.”

“So being with me makes you sleepy?” Cheng Boyan asked with a smile.

“When I feel at ease, I get sleepy,” Xiang Xi said with a small smile.

“Then sleep.” Cheng Boyan pulled over the thin blanket and draped it over his stomach.

“You said before,” Xiang Xi tugged the blanket and also covered part of Cheng Boyan with it, “if I dared to sleep on your bed, I’d be dead.”

“You hold grudges quite well,” Cheng Boyan chuckled softly. “I wasn’t targeting you. Even my mom doesn’t casually touch my bed.”

“So what now?” Xiang Xi twisted a little and even lifted his leg and waved it. “I’m sleeping on it now. Are you going to beat me?”

“I didn’t beat you back then either,” Cheng Boyan turned onto his side to face him, stretched out his arm and hugged him, smiling. “You’ve messed around plenty at my place and I never killed you, right?”

“You’ve got a pretty good temper,” Xiang Xi said, lying comfortably flat. Cheng Boyan’s arm resting across his stomach made him feel quite content.

“It’s okay, I guess,” Cheng Boyan leaned closer, pulled open his collar, kissed his shoulder, and rubbed his lips lightly back and forth against it. “Mainly because you admit your mistakes very quickly every time.”

Xiang Xi didn’t say anything. Cheng Boyan’s soft lips brushing his shoulder, the faint ticklishness on his skin, and the slight vibration when he spoke felt like being wrapped in a soft wool blanket.

“I really like this,” Xiang Xi said softly with his eyes closed.

“Like what?” Cheng Boyan asked near his ear, tightening his arm around him.

“Like this. You leaning against me, me rubbing against you,” Xiang Xi smiled. “When I was in Dawa, there was always a cat sunbathing on the wall by the door. I always really wanted to hug it and lean on it…”

“It wouldn’t be able to handle you,” Cheng Boyan said.

“It didn’t pay attention to me at all,” Xiang Xi chuckled. “I just liked that feeling—soft and fluffy, squeezing together warmly. Cats and dogs… I liked them since I was little. But where we lived they were all stray cats and dogs. They were afraid of people and wouldn’t even let you touch them. Later I picked up a dog. It was pretty close to me and let me pet it… but then it got eaten by Erpan…”

“You’re really lacking a sense of security,” Cheng Boyan said in a low voice, but quickly shifted the topic back. “Cats and dogs, huh?”

“Mm,” Xiang Xi responded.

“So am I a cat or a dog?” Cheng Boyan asked.

“A dog, I guess,” Xiang Xi turned his head and lightly rubbed the tip of his nose against Cheng Boyan’s. “An old dog.”

Cheng Boyan kissed his lips. “Old dog it is. I thought you were going to say old pervert or something. Old dog isn’t bad.”

Xiang Xi laughed twice but suddenly stopped, staring at him wide-eyed in the moonlight coming through the curtain.

“Actually your eyes aren’t that big. Even when you open them wide they’re only this big,” Cheng Boyan said, making a circle with his index finger and thumb in front of him. “Look, just this big.”

“Just now…” Xiang Xi looked at him through the circle made by his fingers. “Did you… use the tissue…”

“Yeah,” Cheng Boyan smiled and lowered his hand. “Since you wouldn’t let me touch you, I had to rely on myself.”

Cheng Boyan said it very calmly, as naturally as saying “If you don’t cook, I’ll cook myself.” But Xiang Xi suddenly pictured Cheng Boyan lying on the bed with his eyes closed, breathing heavily while “relying on himself.”

His face immediately burned with embarrassment. He turned over in Cheng Boyan’s arms so his face was toward the wall. After a long moment, not knowing what to say, he finally muttered:

“Then… that must’ve been hard work for you.”

Cheng Boyan laughed for quite a while, tightened his arm around him, and pulled him closer into his embrace.

“Not hard work. I’ve been practising for years—I’m used to it.”

Xiang Xi liked to sleep on his side, but he needed something behind his back—touching the wall, pushing against a blanket, stuffing clothes there—anything. It just couldn’t be empty. If his back was exposed, he couldn’t sleep peacefully.

Now Cheng Boyan was behind him, pressed closely against him. He could even feel the vibrations of Cheng Boyan’s chest when he spoke, which made him feel slightly dizzy.

“Do you ever…” Xiang Xi said with his eyes closed, grabbing the hand resting on his waist. “Think I’m being overly delicate or fussy? Logically speaking, someone who grew up in Zhaojiayao shouldn’t think this kind of thing is a big deal. Mainly… if you were a woman I would’ve already…”

“Already slept with me?” Cheng Boyan asked with a grin.

Xiang Xi didn’t answer. After thinking for a long time he clicked his tongue.

“Actually maybe not… Let’s put it this way: no matter whether I’d want to sleep with you if you were a woman, since you’re a man now, I just don’t dare.”

“Got it,” Cheng Boyan said with a laugh behind him. “No one’s forcing you. With the way you’re declaring your position, tomorrow I’ll feel embarrassed even jerking off by myself.”

Xiang Xi tried to turn his head back to look at him, but the angle didn’t work. Cheng Boyan propped himself up and brought his face close to his. “What do you want to say?”

“I wanted to see what expression you had,” Xiang Xi looked at him. “You… do it once a day? That frequency seems a bit too high.”

“Oh? You even know what a good frequency is for masturbating?” Cheng Boyan raised an eyebrow.

“At the fake blind guy’s place there were lots of old books he picked up or collected. There was one called something like Adolescents or whatever—How to Get Through Puberty or something… The fake blind guy read it to me. It said once a day is too much.”

Cheng Boyan laughed so hard he fell back onto the pillow and couldn’t stop for a long time. “Adolescents or whatever thing—what thing exactly? Adoles-dogs?”

“I don’t know,” Xiang Xi lay back on the pillow too. Thinking about it made him laugh as well. “No, I’m talking seriously here. Are you laughing like this because you’re looking down on us illiterates?”

“You’re not illiterate anymore,” Cheng Boyan kissed his neck. “You can even go grocery shopping with Dad now.”

“Did Director Xu flatten your face with a rolling pin or something?” Xiang Xi sighed.

“I don’t do it once a day,” Cheng Boyan laughed. “When I said tomorrow, I just meant the next time.”

“Alright,” Xiang Xi said quietly. “Then how long until the next time?”

“That depends on when missing you becomes unbearable,” Cheng Boyan said, his fingers slipping under Xiang Xi’s shirt and lightly tracing patterns on his stomach.

“Oh.” Xiang Xi responded, then felt a bit embarrassed thinking about it.

“Stop thinking about it. I’m not going to do anything to you,” Cheng Boyan said, lightly biting his shoulder. “We’ll talk about it the day you’re crying and begging me to sleep with you.”

“Get lost. Who’s going to cry and beg to sleep with you?” Xiang Xi said.

“Yeah, you won’t cry and beg to sleep with me—you’ll cry and beg me to sleep with you,” Cheng Boyan replied.

“…Good night,” Xiang Xi said, feeling like he was probably getting sleepy.

“Go to sleep. I’ll wake you up tomorrow morning,” Cheng Boyan said with a smile. “Good night.”

Xiang Xi’s breathing gradually slowed noticeably, and within a few minutes he was asleep. Cheng Boyan closed his eyes and sighed with emotion—being young really was nice, falling asleep as soon as your head hit the pillow.

About two minutes after that thought, he fell asleep too.

However, he didn’t sleep very soundly that night. Cheng Boyan had slept alone his whole life. When they were kids, even when Cheng Boyu cried and begged to sleep with him, he had refused.

Xiang Xi actually slept quite quietly—he didn’t move around and his breathing was light. Once he fell asleep, he almost had no presence at all.

But Cheng Boyan still constantly knew there was someone beside him.

After sleeping alone for nearly thirty years, suddenly having someone next to him felt a little strange no matter what. Even when Xiang Xi turned over in the middle of the night, he noticed.

Only in the second half of the night, when he was truly exhausted, did he finally fall into a deep sleep.

He didn’t wake up until the dogs across the way started barking madly at the first ray of sunlight in the early morning.

He tried to lift his arm to stretch, only to find his left arm couldn’t move. Turning his head, he saw Xiang Xi lying on the bed hugging his left arm, sleeping soundly. He yawned and raised his other arm to stretch.

When he carefully pulled his arm out of Xiang Xi’s embrace, he was very cautious. It still wasn’t the normal time to wake up yet.

Xiang Xi actually had a pretty good sleeping posture. When Xiang Xi used to sleep in the study, Cheng Boyan hadn’t really noticed. But now that they were close, he could see clearly—his face was quite clean too, not covered with drool marks all over his face.

He reached out and gently touched Xiang Xi’s eyebrows, then tapped lightly on the tear mole at the corner of his eye before getting up and out of bed.

Since he was up early anyway, he might as well cook some porridge for breakfast… though mixed-bean porridge was honestly pretty unpalatable.

After taking a shower, Cheng Boyan decided it would be better to go downstairs and buy breakfast instead. There was plenty of time, so there was no need to suffer through mixed-bean porridge.

He peeked into the bedroom. Xiang Xi had changed positions but was still sleeping as if the sky and earth had gone dark. His shirt had ridden up, exposing a strip of his stomach.

The air conditioner was still running in the room. Cheng Boyan walked over, pulled part of the blanket over Xiang Xi’s stomach, and then turned and left.

Right at the entrance of the residential compound there were breakfast stalls—steamed buns, fried dough sticks, corn, soy milk, bread, milk—everything you could want. But Cheng Boyan had no appetite. When the weather was hot, looking at any food killed his appetite.

In the end he wandered all the way to a newly opened Hong Kong–style teahouse on another street.

After choosing some tasty things and getting them packed, Cheng Boyan had just walked a few steps out of the teahouse carrying several food boxes when his phone rang.

He freed one hand to take out his phone and glanced at it. It was Xiang Xi.

“Hello? You’re up?” he answered.

“Did you go to work already?” Xiang Xi’s voice sounded surprised.

“No,” Cheng Boyan said with a smile. “I came out to buy breakfast. It’s still early, so I didn’t wake you.”

“Oh,” Xiang Xi said, probably just waking up; his voice still had a nasal tone. “You scared me to death.”

“If I had gone to work you could’ve just cleaned up and gone back to the supermarket yourself,” Cheng Boyan said. “Something like that scares you to death? Is your courage even as big as a single mung bean in the mixed-bean porridge?”

“Don’t take advantage of the fact that I just woke up and can’t argue with you yet to keep mocking me,” Xiang Xi clicked his tongue. “Hey, do you want to hear the sound of me peeing?”

“No,” Cheng Boyan laughed. “But you’d better aim properly. If I find out you peed outside the toilet, you’re dead.”

“Did you finish buying breakfast?” Xiang Xi asked. “I don’t know if it’s because I woke up too early today, but I feel really hungry.”

“I bought it already. I’ll be back soon,” Cheng Boyan looked at the time. “Why didn’t you sleep a bit longer?”

“Oh come on, how could I sleep more? Those birds across from your building must’ve eaten Xuanmai gum (NT: internet slang from a gum commercial saying "Just can't stop". So refers to something that just won’t stop). When I used to sleep in the study I didn’t realize how noisy they were, but today I really experienced it,” Xiang Xi said gloomily. “If I wasn’t considering your neighbour relations, I’d have poured medicine down their throats to make them all mute.”

“How about you go back to the study and sleep a bit more? I’ll wander back in about ten minutes,” Cheng Boyan said. “I’ll wake you when I get home.”

“I’ll try,” Xiang Xi sighed.

Cheng Boyan hung up and quickened his pace on the way back.

By the time he reached the door he was already sweating a little. He took out his key and opened the door very quietly.

The TV in the living room was actually on. Xiang Xi hadn’t gone back to the study to sleep. Instead he was standing in front of the sofa staring at the TV, and he didn’t even turn to look when Cheng Boyan came in.

“What are you watching?” Cheng Boyan changed his shoes, put down the food boxes, and rubbed his hands together as he walked over to him.

“At present, the burn victims have been sent to the hospital. No other casualties have been discovered at the scene…” the voice from the television reported.

Cheng Boyan froze for a moment and turned to look at the TV. The fire from last night?

“Were they sent to your hospital?” Xiang Xi suddenly grabbed Cheng Boyan’s arm. “Could they have been sent to your hospital?”

“That depends on where it happened,” Cheng Boyan said, confused by Xiang Xi’s reaction. “What’s wrong?”

“Zhaojiayao. It’s in Zhaojiayao.” Xiang Xi stared at him, his lips slightly pale.

 

Translator : DarNan