255.
Gu Yiliang patted me on the shoulder with a smile.
"Xiao Wei hasn’t had dinner yet — let him finish his sandwich. In the meantime, I’ll chat with you all. Any questions for me?"
He... he patted my shoulder? Xiao Wei? (TN: "Xiao Wei" means "Little Wei," a familiar and slightly affectionate way to address someone younger.)
I was thrown into an entirely new dimension of confusion.

 

256.
Before entering this little livestream room, I had still been worried that, given Gu Yiliang’s reputation as a respected and serious actor, he might not appreciate this kind of promotional tactic relying on bromance-style fanservice.

 

257.
Apparently, I had overthought it.
He clearly had a very different — and wildly incorrect — understanding of the "brotherhood" concept the company had carefully put in quotation marks.
Completely different from mine.

 

258.
Goodbye to those lingering stares that the Niangzi fans would have screen-captured.
Goodbye to the ambiguous flirtations that would’ve been edited into loops.
Goodbye to those subtle moments of chemistry that would’ve become GIFs.
…

 

259.
Why did he dish out fanservice like it was nothing when no one asked for it — but suddenly pump the brakes when it was expected?!
Gu Yiliang, give me back my sugar — my sweet spiritual comfort!

 

260.
“Slow down with the comments, I can’t keep up,” he said, pointing at a line in the chat.
“You’ve got a beauty filter on? Oh yeah, I see it. Should I turn it off?”
Without waiting for an answer, he switched off the filter and turned his face toward the screen, checking himself out from different angles. “Doesn’t really make much difference, actually.”
I stared at him helplessly, realising the situation was spiralling into utter chaos.
In the chat, fans were laughing and complimenting like crazy. He read another comment: “Your lips look amazing! What lipstick shade is that?”
A chill ran down my spine. It was over.
“Lipsticks have colour numbers? I thought they were just... red? I didn’t ask the stylist…” he said, casually wiping his mouth and then looking at his hand. “It’s clear… so I guess that makes it the clear shade, right?”
Where the hell does clear-coloured lipstick come from? Wake up!

…

 

261.
By the time I managed to finish my sandwich with great difficulty, the situation was already out of control.
Gu Yiliang was playing the “clueless straight guy” role with unnerving precision.
Worse still, some hostile comments had started to pop up: "Wei Yanzi looks effeminate sitting next to Gu Yiliang."

 

262.
Fuck.

 

263.
What now? A manliness contest?!
Me, a genuine straight guy, about to lose?!

 

264.
I crumpled up my sandwich wrapper and, right in front of the viewers, casually tossed it with a smooth hook shot straight into the trash bin in the corner.
Then, fists clenched and arms flexed, I celebrated like I had just sunk a game-winning shot.
The comment section erupted with "6666" (TN: internet slang meaning "well played" or "awesome").
Gu Yiliang high-fived me in celebration, and I slapped him on the shoulder: “I’m full. Thanks, bro.”
He chuckled, leaned forward with his elbows on his thighs, and assumed the classic straight-guy-watching-sports posture.
“All right, let’s start reading the comments.”

I sprawled nonchalantly on the couch, legs slightly apart, running a hand through my hair before replying in a laid-back tone: “Okay.”

 

265.
Other people did livestreams to sell fanservice.
We were doing a livestream to sell hetero energy.
A first in entertainment history — truly unprecedented.

 

266.
Comment: “I have a terrible cold, but I’m holding on just to watch this live! You two are so handsome, I’m dying! Notice me, notice me!!”
Gu Yiliang: “Drink some hot water, it’s good for your throat.”
Me: “Open the windows and air out the room regularly.”

Comment: “Some interaction, please! I’ve run out of inspiration for my playlists. What songs are you two listening to these days? Please recommend some!!!”
Gu Yiliang: “Songs by Yan Weiwen — heartfelt and genuine.”
Me: “Jiang Dawei’s — melodic and harmonious.”

Comment: “If you had to choose between boobs, hips, or legs, what would you pick?”
Gu Yiliang: “Legs. They have to be long.”
Me: “Legs. They have to be straight.”

Comment: “Do you play video games? Which ones?! I’d love to play with you guys! Do you play Honor of Kings, DOTA, LoL, PUBG? I want to see you game together!!”
Gu Yiliang: “Yeah, I like King of Fighters. I’m 5000 MMR on DOTA 2.”
Me: “I like Street Fighter. Master rank in LoL. Come challenge me.”
(NT: all of these are competitive multiplayer games requiring skill and strategy.)

Comment: “Your skin looks flawless even without filters! What products do you use? Share your skincare secrets!”
Gu Yiliang: “Dabao SOD lotion.”
Me: “Johnson’s baby moisturizer.”

Comment: “Notice me! What do you guys do in your free time outside of work? Shopping, travelling, movies? I’d love to bump into you by chance!”
Gu Yiliang: “Jogging.”
Me: “Weightlifting.”

 

267.
Comment: “Damn, I’m late! What the hell is going on?! Are our two stars answering the 100 Couple Compatibility Questions or what???”
Gu Yiliang: “?”
I quickly scrolled that comment off the screen.

 

268.
Gu Yiliang smiled and gave my bicep a little punch. “You really do weightlifting?”
I gave him a sidelong look. “Wanna see me lift you?”
He nodded without hesitation. “Sure, just don’t drop me.”
Me: “?”
I stared at him, completely dumbfounded, as he took me seriously, stood up, and clung to my arm.
“Come on, give it a try! Let’s bet a midnight snack.”

 

269.
Wait, let me explain! That was just an offhand comment!
Gu Yiliang, what is wrong with you?! You really want to kill me, is that it?!

 

270.
In the livestream, the fans went wild, turning the moment into a full-blown spectacle.
Gu Yiliang was laughing so hard his eyes disappeared into crescents, triggering a flood of hysterical screaming in the comments.
But this… this was about my masculine honour.
The whole live was watching me.
I was going to lift him. End of story.
Internally, I grit my teeth, but kept a confident smile.
I bent down, slid an arm under his legs, braced myself…

 

271.
…And we crashed spectacularly onto the couch, limbs tangled in a glorious mess.

 

272.
He barely caught himself, placing one hand on the armrest—right next to my face—just in time to avoid collapsing completely onto me.
He was laughing uncontrollably, his body shaking with every burst of laughter.
The position was far too intimate: his body half-draped over mine, his faint scent enveloping me.
I watched his eyelashes tremble with his laughter, and my heart completely lost its bearings.
He looked up at me, still struggling to compose himself: "A midnight snack… Put it on the account ."
His laughing eyes sparkled so brightly that, for a moment, I actually forgot to breathe.

 

273.
I had the nagging feeling I was forgetting something else...

 

274.
The live is still running, for fuck’s sake!!!!!!!

 

Translator : DarNan